Life is like a rollercoaster. It has it's up and it's downs. But in the end it was one heck of a ride.
Life the past few years has gotten very interesting. Even more so since the first of this year. Feels like the world as I've known it, is crumbling and breaking apart. It's just been one thing after another this year and the years nowhere near being half over. Hell broke loose this February and I thought at the beginning of March it had been resolved. Then it happened again. Since discovering the problem only a few weeks back, it has been insane.
It all has left me in a tornado of emotions. Life is playing the ominous Wicked Witch theme song while I'm being swirled around. Flying monkeys have been at me left and right. And we all know how the story goes; I'm just curious of what's gonna be the Wicked Witch. In the end though, it always seems to work out. I just want to know when.
I've made myself look up and rethink things. Why haven't I been happy? Why did these things happen? Why now? I hadn't been happy because I felt as if my family, more so my spouse, didn't love me as much and appreciate me. It all broke loose because my husband didn't trust me to not blow up at him. And the "now" part I'm still trying to figure out. I know ultimately happiness comes from within and you've got love yourself, but it sure helps when you feel loved and wanted. But I'm getting there slowly and so is the rest of it.
I know my husband loves me. But I'm learning that I don't need so much from him to be myself and to like myself. I don't need him to tell me that I'm beautiful, although hearing doesn't hurt one bit. I just need to feel that and believe it. Everything around us screaming to be one way or another doesn't help my personal struggle one bit. Maybe that's why the TV's off so much anymore.
I'm ready for some change. I think it'll be good. Personally I'm enjoying putting my husband into my whirlwind. I think he needs to see what that feels like. I'm not saying that being in my whirlwind is bad. It was, but not so much anymore. We'll see how it goes. And that is that!
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